There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Its about making memories worth repressing
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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