Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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