Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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