i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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