Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
