I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
