I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
