My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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