you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He shit in the fireplace
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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