That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
