That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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