the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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