can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
