It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She bit a glass in half.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
