I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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