I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
