why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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