Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
50% drunk capacity currently
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
