Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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