Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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