Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
