why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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