I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
