Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
