Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Randomize
