who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
