The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
