wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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