I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
