Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
