Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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