Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
