I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
