if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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