and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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