He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
