So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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