forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
