just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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