I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
