Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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