He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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