i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
