He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
well you can't waste a boner
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
