Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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