dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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