Only a mothe r could love this liver
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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