There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
