It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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