I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
