Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment