i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?