I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
