i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
