In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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