I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
