If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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