Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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