The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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