Tell her she can't have a vagina
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
