apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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