woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
