we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
