yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize