physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you didnt know i had herpes?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
