You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
