Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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