Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Welp...herpes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
