we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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