Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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