i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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